if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
