paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
