he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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