I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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