I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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