idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
