It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
