Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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