alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
