I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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