Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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