Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
