Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
