It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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