Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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