why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
