If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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