but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
