the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
