His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
