Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
