so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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