eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
