my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
