Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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