I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just found a bag of teeth...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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