I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
