I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
do herpes really smell.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
