I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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