dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
