my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
