Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
