Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
