Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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