Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
