I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I smell stomach acid.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
