dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
