i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
