I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
