hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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