We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
