At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
