I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
