Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
