Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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