Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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