The best revenge is premature balding
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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