Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
