Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
