I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Mom said you looked used
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
