i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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