If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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