I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
