Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
