dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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