I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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