Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
