You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
