Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
