so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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