I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
