There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
