I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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