I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
