can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize