A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
