i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
