In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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