I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize