So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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