I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Its about making memories worth repressing
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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