no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
