he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
