Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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