My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
