based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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