i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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