eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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