So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
