What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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